Uncovering Repressed Anger: How Food Became My Only Comfort

Episode 16: Food Was My Friend, My Lover, My Companion

This Episode of the Food Addiction: The Problem and The Solution podcast is a must-listen for anyone seeking inspiration and hope in their journey to overcome food addiction. In this episode, you’ll hear the incredible story of Colleen Y., who has triumphed over food addiction, shedding an astonishing 150 pounds and regaining control over her life.

Discover how Colleen found the strength to confront her anger, achieve neutrality around trigger foods, and ultimately, enjoy a healthier body and a life filled with happiness, peace, and spiritual fulfillment. It’s a story of hope and transformation that will leave you inspired and motivated to take control of your own food addiction journey.

Host, Susan Branscome:

You say,

food was my friend, my lover, my companion. I could always rely on food to be there and comfort me when I had no one to turn to.

And you said,

food helped me to feel calm, normal, accepted, loved and enough.

I was raised to not show anger, to be seen and not heard.

A woman’s place is in the home, raising a family and obeying the husband.

I felt my purpose was to take care of others and not consider the cost to myself.

There were decades of repressed anger and resentment and I used food to help me cope with all of life’s ups and downs.

So yeah, food’s our friend. It’s the thing that doesn’t argue back, you know, so we can rely on it, right, and it works.

Guest, Colleen Y.

I had no idea how angry I was through all of that and it was only in recovery and working the steps and coming to see what my life was like that I was able to start doing some of that recovery work because that’s why I went to the food, all this emotional. So I just thought I was an emotional eater.

We’d hear about it so often in magazines and television, you know, you see the girl that had the breakup and you’d see her eating that pint of ice cream and it was normalized that that’s what you did when you had extreme emotions that it was okay to go to food.

I didn’t realize until I did get into recovery and learn about food addiction that there was something different about me specifically when it came to food, that this was not really normal.

I knew that the way I ate was not normal but I didn’t know why it wasn’t normal. I just kept thinking I had a lack of willpower, that I just could not do what other people could do so I kept beating myself up because I couldn’t do it.

Host, Susan Branscome:

Talk about the anger and resentment. You probably didn’t realize you were angry at all the years of things that had occurred with you. I would assume that at Shift, with the emotional work they do there that you found out, “yeah, I’m angry, I’ve got resentment.”

How did you get in touch with that and how did you work through it?

Guest, Colleen Y.

The first intensive I went to that was Esther’s intensive led by Amanda at shift. On the first day she asked me how I was feeling and I totally blanked out. I had no idea what I was feeling. I had never tapped into emotions at all.

So she literally had to list

Are you happy?

Are you sad?

Are you angry?

I thought,

“What does that mean?”

and then I thought

oh yeah, I’m sad…and then the anger. When I really started tapping into the anger that’s what really bubbled up because I never had an opportunity to explore any of that anger. It was always shoved down especially with the food because I wasn’t allowed to speak about it.

That was really very instrumental, but it still took Amanda repeating over and over again different emotions that it was possible to have before I could relate to actually having those emotions.

Host, Susan Branscome:

What did you find that you were angry about?

Guest, Colleen Y.

I was angry about a lot. I was angry at myself for putting up with so much. I’m very co -dependent so I put up with a lot of stuff. I always put my family, my friends, my job, everything went first before me.

  • I was also angry with my parents,
  • I was angry with my spouse,
  • I was angry with employers.

I was just one really angry person and I never realized it until I got into recovery.

I thought I was a martyr. I thought I was self -sacrificing to do for everyone else when in fact it was I just wanted them to do what I wanted them to do.

I wanted to control them so I didn’t have emotion. If you did what I told you to do I wouldn’t get upset. I wouldn’t have to eat this food. You’re the reason I’m eating all of this stuff because I’m an emotional eater.

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